How often do you remind your child not to be rude?
From shouting “yuck!” to homemade food, to refusing to greet friends and relatives, little kids can act in pretty cringeworthy ways when it comes to interacting with others. To put it mildly, polite social skills take a while to learn!
When your kid acts in embarrassing ways, your first instinct might be to say “don’t be rude.” But here’s why that might not help:
- You’re calling out the negative, which can be discouraging.
- It’s vague, and kids may not know what positive behavior you’re looking for.
- They might feel pushed aside or misunderstood.
Plus, some things that might seem rude to you could actually be developmentally appropriate for your child — for example, not looking at you when you’re talking to them.
Helping kids learn from “rude” behavior
So if just saying “don’t be rude” isn’t helping your kid learn, here’s what you can try:
- Acknowledging why the situation might be hard for them, and
- Guiding them toward appropriate behavior by offering the tools they need.
That way, you’re helping them learn to handle tricky emotions AND improve their social skills.
Here are some examples of different situations where you might use this approach — and what to say!
Mealtime manners:
“That’s fine if you don’t want more food, but a more polite way to say it would be: ‘No, thank you.’”
Social situations:
“I know it can be overwhelming with all these people. Let’s think of ways to help them feel welcome, because they might be nervous too.”
Tone of voice:
“It sounds like you’re yelling. Sometimes I do that too when I’m hungry or tired. Could you try to ask in a kind way?”
Not wanting to share:
“You don’t have to share everything. If there’s something you want to keep safe, let’s put it in your closet before your cousin gets here.”
Asking invasive questions:
“You’re super curious, which I love! But sometimes people need a break from all the questions. Why don’t we look out the window and play I Spy?”
