Parents are only human, and everyone has certain things that really get under their skin—and kids can be particularly good at pushing buttons. So chances are, there are things your kids do—whether it’s whining, moving at a snail’s pace, making messes, or something else—that tend to make you lose your cool.
Where do emotional triggers come from?
Just about everyone carries painful experiences and childhood wounds with them as they move into adulthood. Those wounds can come up, either consciously or subconsciously, when we experience stressors or triggers that remind us of those harmful experiences.
This can cause a momentary spike in anxiety, anger, or distress. You may experience physical symptoms like a racing heart, rapid breathing, and tensing muscles. You may also experience emotional and mental symptoms such as a short temper, racing thoughts, and difficulty focusing or making decisions.
Why should I explain my triggers to my kids?
Our kids don’t expect us to be perfect, and at the same time, emotional outbursts from a parent can be scary for them. Explaining the reasoning behind your heightened emotions not only helps your child understand the feelings behind your behaviors, but it also models healthy emotional coping skills, too—so your child will understand your triggers and learn to manage their own triggers better in the long run.
Here are 8 things you can say to your child to explain your emotional triggers—
- “I feel frustrated when I can’t finish what I was trying to say.”
- “Loud noises make it hard for me to think.”
- “Sometimes I have a hard time staying calm, too.”
- “I’m feeling overwhelmed by this mess.”
- “My heart is beating fast and my muscles are clenched, so I know I’m getting stressed. I’m going to take 5 minutes to relax my body.”
- “I’m feeling worried because I want you to be safe.”
- “Running late makes me so tense. I am going to take some deep breaths so I’m calm when we get there.”
- “I need to take care of myself so I can take care of you.”
It can be helpful to think about what kinds of phrases sound and feel most natural to explain your emotions to your child so that you’re more likely to use them in the moment when you’re upset.
