Do your relatives expect affection from your kids? In lots of families, refusing to hug a grandparent or let an aunt give them a big kiss on the cheek is considered rude. But while it’s common in a lot of families, just like adults — sometimes kids don’t want to be touched. And we definitely want kids to feel like they have control over what happens with their own bodies.
Here’s what to say
So how can parents support their kids’ decisions about their own bodies, without offending loved ones? Here’s a script to follow when you need to explain your child’s boundaries to your more affectionate family members:
- Acknowledge their feelings. You can say, “I know how much you love my kids and that your way of showing affection is by showering them with hugs and kisses. And I get it, our family is just more affectionate. I know it might take some getting used to.”
- Set boundaries. You can say, “I’m trying to teach my kids that they have control over their own bodies and that they get to decide what does or doesn’t feel right. Right now, they’re just not that into physical touch and I think it’s important to respect that.”
- Offer solutions. You can say, “But that doesn’t mean they don’t love spending time with you! There are lots of other ways to greet them like a high five, a fist bump, or a wave.”
By setting some expectations with your relatives, while also validating their disappointment or confusion, you can get on the same level and avoid situations in which your kids’ boundaries might be pushed or violated.
It’s also important to talk with your child about consent and how to set healthy boundaries for themselves and what to do when someone crosses them. Starting these conversations early and having them often can help your child internalize that they are the boss of their body.
