Did you frequently get spanked or humiliated as a child? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) — backed up by many different research studies from the last two decades — strongly urges parents NOT to use spanking, hitting, slapping, threatening, insulting, humiliating, or shaming.
That’s because both corporal punishment and verbal abuse add to kids’ toxic stress levels, instead of giving them a safe place to process and learn from their everyday stress. Spanking alone leads to negative outcomes similar to those in kids who have been the victim of physical abuse.
Here are just some of the evidence-based reasons to avoid harsh punishment methods such as spanking, threats, and humiliation:
- Increases aggression in kids: Data shows that kids who were spanked early in life show greater aggression once they get to school age.
- Does NOT lead to better behavior in the long term: Studies reveal that corporal punishment actually leads to increased defiance, not improved behavior.
- Increases risk for mental health issues and impaired brain development: Toxic stress can cause changes in cognitive capacities.
- Lowers kids’ self-esteem: Kids who experience too much harsh punishment can end up feeling that they are not worthy of compassion (including from themselves).
- Damages the parent-child relationship: More negative attention is likely to generate more battles between parents and their kids, instead of quality time spent building trust.
- Does NOT teach healthy coping skills: If we want kids to grow up to be able to manage challenges with grace, we have to show them healthier coping techniques.
The AAP recommends healthier forms of discipline, like positive reinforcement, boundary setting, redirecting behavior, and setting expectations ahead of time — in other words, a more compassionate parenting approach.
Of course, the challenge lies in finding appropriate, effective discipline methods for your kids that will help them learn and grow. If you’re ready to break the cycle and begin to model for your kids the positive behavior that you want to see, use this guide to age-appropriate discipline strategies for preschoolers and these examples illustrating the difference between punishment and discipline.
