Do you have a boy who’s interested in painting his nails? A lot of modern parents are on board with this type of creative self-expression, regardless of their child’s gender. However, you’re likely to have someone in your life who doesn’t agree that boys can paint their nails (or wear jewelry, glitter, the color pink, etc.) because of their gender.
It can be uncomfortable to address it, but some people have more rigid or traditional definitions of gender roles. A relative of yours, for example, might think painted nails are “girly,” but these gender-restricting messages can show up in lots of other ways too — like saying soccer or math is “for boys,” suggesting the guys watch the game after dinner “while the girls clean up,” or discouraging your daughter from playing with her cousins because they’re doing “boy stuff.” You probably don’t want your kids to grow up internalizing any of that — but what do you say?
Here’s one way to address restrictive views about what boys should and shouldn’t wear by showing that self-expression makes us strong.
Script to explain a boy’s painted nails to someone who’s uncomfortable with it
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Address the comment: “Hmm, I know that’s how lots of us grew up thinking, but that idea is kind of outdated, don’t you think?”
Frame it as self-expression: “Painting his nails is just a way he’s expressing himself. It doesn’t change who he is or how traditionally ‘manly’ he is — and actually, it shows a lot of strength and confidence.”
Challenge stereotypes: “Plus, when we call something ‘girly’ as a bad thing, it teaches kids that being like a girl is less valuable. But there’s nothing weak or bad about girls, or about expressing yourself or doing what makes you happy.”
Emphasize that growth is a strength: “I’ve had to unlearn some of these ideas myself, and it’s made me a better dad/mom/parent. I bet you’d agree that real strength is about being open to change.”
