Has your kid put a new phone on the top of their holiday wishlist, but you’re not sure if they are ready? Finding the right time to give a child a smartphone is one of the most challenging decisions in modern parenting. We don’t want our kids to be left out from communicating with family and friends or learning about the world, but we also know smartphones carry some serious risks like overuse and addiction, anxiety and depression, bullies, inappropriate content, and more.
Check out these 5 signs your kid might be ready for a phone, and what you can do if they want a phone but aren’t ready yet.
Your kid is old enough (probably at least 13)
While there is no magic age for a smartphone, pediatricians and other child development experts are increasingly recommending that parents wait until a kid is at least 13. Most popular social media apps – the reason many kids want a phone – are designed for users 13 and older, and aren’t safe or appropriate for younger kids. If your child is under 13 and needs a smartphone for other reasons, consider limiting access to social media and other 13+ apps until they are older.
Your family has talked about online safety and established rules
The best time to make online safety rules is before your kids have their first phone, so they know exactly what to expect. Some good rules for first-timer phones include establishing boundaries around use, like times and specific apps that are or aren’t allowed; giving parents password access; and charging the phone in a public area of the house at night. Check out our sample media contract here.
Your kid can tell you why they want a smartphone and how they would use it
Asking your kid to articulate why they want a phone and what they will do with it helps you make a safety plan and them think critically about tech use. Are they looking to connect with friends? Have a line to parents while being out and about on their own? Play games? This conversation will help your kid think about how they are going to manage and prioritize their time on the phone and you as a parent about which boundaries to set.
You trust your kid to follow your family’s rules about smartphone use
It’s common for kids to test rules, but one sign your kid is ready for a phone is your confidence they’ll follow yours. It’s nearly impossible for a parent to know everything a kid does on their phone, so if you think they’ll ignore important safety rules like “don’t give away your address to strangers” or “phone away at 9pm to get some sleep” it might be too soon for a phone.
Your kid can tell you what they would do if they encountered different problems online
Even with all the planning and parental controls in the world, it’s likely that at some point your kid will have a bad experience with their phone. Those experiences can range from minor – an argument with a friend over text or a scammy app they wasted $5 on – or pretty serious, like sexual exploitation, bullying, and depression. Your kid should know how they’ll respond if someone asks for a nude, says something mean, or if they see a gross or scary video. They should also know they can tell you if anything on their phone makes them feel scared or icky, you won’t blame them, and you won’t take their phone away.
Okay, but what do I do if they aren’t ready but still really want a smartphone?
You know your kid best, so stay strong if you think the time isn’t right for a full smartphone. Some alternatives to consider would be a kid-friendly phone like a Gabb or Bark phone, a kid-friendly smart watch like a Gizmo, or an old-school “dumb” phone (bonus: these are often cheaper!). Some families are even installing landlines as a way to let their kids call friends without the risks and time-suck of a smartphone.
We need better regulation of smartphones, app stores, and social media so that tech companies do more to keep kids safe online. Until then, parents continue to shoulder the responsibility of these decisions. Let’s all have a safe and happy holiday season together.
