Nearly every parent wants to improve their patience with their kids. Parenting is the ultimate test of patience, so it’s no wonder parents sometimes get frustrated and lose their cool. Many parents may feel shame or regret after losing patience with their kids. They may worry about damaging their relationship or not being compassionate enough as parents.
Rest assured that losing patience from time to time will not harm kids psychologically, as long as there are no toxic dynamics or abuse at play. If it happens, own up to it and sincerely apologize afterward—which can actually strengthen the relationship and teach kids important lessons about taking ownership of and fixing mistakes.
It can be helpful to remember that when kids test our patience, they’re basically doing their job as kids. They’re usually either asserting their independence, or they’re experimenting to see what will happen or what your reaction will be. It’s how they learn and grow.
Knowing that it’s normal kid behavior to push your buttons doesn’t make it less frustrating, though. Sometimes parents just need to get somewhere on time, maintain basic hygiene or home maintenance standards, get their kid to stop hurtful behavior, or minimize the chaos. So here are some surprising tips that can help extend your patience with your kids—
- Sing the next thing you say to your child.
- Consciously focus on relaxing your shoulders and face.
- Smile (even if it’s fake) to trick your brain into being calm.
- Pretend someone is watching you parent.
- Say out loud, “I’m feeling _____, so I’m going to take a 2-minute time out.”
- Open a window and take a big breath of fresh air.
- Imagine that you’re your child’s teacher instead of their parent. Think about how you might react differently.
Patience isn’t about never getting frustrated—it’s about noticing your reactions and finding small ways to reset in the moment. These simple, sometimes unexpected strategies can help you calm down enough to respond with more intention and compassion. With enough repetition and practice, the longer your patience will last even in the most stressful circumstances.
