Q: I have an eight-year-old, and I’ve recently been wondering if it might be OK to leave him home alone for short periods of time, like if I need to run to the grocery store or pharmacy. I asked my mom friends when they think it’s OK to leave kids home alone, and their answers were so wildly different I wasn’t sure what to think.
I realize it depends a lot on local laws, as well as the maturity level of the child, but I’m just wondering if there’s any general rule of thumb on when it’s OK to leave your kids home by themselves. What would you recommend, and what steps should we take before trying this out for the first time?
A: Great question! When to start leaving kids at home without adult supervision is a question all parents wrestle with eventually. We want our kids to be safe, but we also know they’ll need to learn how to live independently and take care of themselves as they get older. All kids and families are different, and their maturity level, siblings, local environment, and, of course, local laws will all impact your decision.
The majority of social workers believe children should be at least 12 years old before being left home alone for four hours or longer. However, the question of whether they should be left alone is usually much more about kids’ maturity level, the safety of the home, and the amount of time the child is left alone.
When it comes to determining their maturity level, here are some questions to ask yourself before you consider leaving your kids home alone. If you answer “no” to any of these, they’re probably not ready yet for an extended period of time on their own:
- Does your kid usually understand and follow important safety rules, including when they’re online?
- Do they act responsibly when they’re left without supervision in a different room of the house?
- If there are siblings (or pets), do they get along and act safely when together?
- Would your child feel safe being by themselves?
- Is your child fine managing their own everyday physical and mental health?
- Do they know how to help themselves if they get a minor cut or scrape?
- Can they help themselves to food and drinks safely in the kitchen?
- Do they know how to call you and other relatives in an emergency?
- Are they aware of what to do if there’s a fire in the house?
- Do they have good judgment about what — and who — is safe vs. unsafe?
You’ll want to test out your child’s readiness (as well as your own!) for staying home without an adult. Start with a short solo walk, and have your kids practice calling you while you’re out. When you come back, ask your child how their time alone went.
If that goes well, and they can remember all the safety rules, you can ramp up to errands and longer walks during the daytime. Or plan your day so that you can stop by your house in between errands. Don’t forget to call them during your outings to make sure they’re responsive.
Once they’ve mastered their responsibilities during these shorter periods without supervision, you can start gradually increasing the period of time your kids stay home alone. Remember that autonomy can actually be great for your kids’ development — so even if they’re not ready for this big milestone, they may be ready to practice independence in other ways!
Good luck, and trust your parenting instincts. You’ve got this!
Here’s what parents are saying
We asked our community of parents on Instagram what they think about when it’s OK to leave kids home alone, and there were lots of different opinions…
- “Depends on the child. My son has an excellent sense of danger and consequences so I don’t worry about him. My daughter on the other hand would light the roof on fire to see the sky.”
- “I was born in the 80s. My mom left me alone for hours as an infant 😂”
- “Just recently went to the grocery store for about 45 minutes without my 8 year old. She didn’t budge from where she was when I left and felt very proud that I trusted her to stay home alone. She also has a gizmo watch so I called and texted her a few times while I was gone.”
- “Depends on the kid but mine was 9 after he went through the youth safety program that our local first responders put on for kids age 8-12”
- “My son stays home for 45 mins alone when I have to get my daughter to gymnastics which is 5 mins away. I constantly check in via Alexa and he loves having that independence.”
- “I agree. It definitely depends on the child. My first son was so scared of so many things, I waited longer. My 2nd born is much more cautious & careful so I didn’t wait as long.”
- “Just had this convo. I was the oldest of 10+ grands and was responsible for ALL of them. My kid thought she could heat up outside rocks in the microwave for a mothers day massage lol The answer is probably never. 😂”
- “When he’s 21. 😅 It’s not a him thing … it’s a me thing.”
