According to a poll by What to Expect, 13 percent of parents are choosing to request “no gifts” on their kids’ birthday party invitations. Parents are increasingly choosing this route for their kids’ birthday celebrations for a number of reasons, including wanting to avoid accumulating unneeded clutter at home, or wanting to avoid shame or awkwardness for other kids’ families who can’t afford nicer gifts.
ParentsTogether recently asked our community of parents on Instagram what they think when they see “no gifts please” on a child’s birthday party invitation. Hundreds of responses poured in, expressing feelings ranging from relief to discomfort.
Lots of parents appreciate seeing “no gifts” on an invitation
Tons of parents weighed in, and lots of them appreciate receiving kids’ birthday party invitations with “no gifts” requests. For many, it removes some stress from their day, allows kids to focus on more than material objects, and takes some of the pressure off of families with financial constraints. Here are a just few of the responses they shared—
- “I love it. Kids have way too much stuff. I have my kiddo make a birthday card and thank them for the invite.”
- “Respect it! Have the kids make a card instead. I hate having so many toys. My kids don’t know what to do with them. I constantly tell my family, ‘no toys’!”
- “I feel relieved and bring a card with stickers and a balloon. Sometimes I ask if I can bring a specific gift if I know the child and their parents. I like the combination of no gifts needed, but also providing a link to a wish list for those who feel compelled to bring something and can afford it.”
- “We recently went to a party that requested a donation to their elementary school in lieu of toys. Such a great idea!”
- “I go, ‘Oh, thank God!’ I can put that money towards groceries.”
- “I’m sure people have considered skipping parties because they didn’t have gifts to give. I remember years ago a friend putting ‘no gifts’ and it was a relief.”
- “I love it. Your presence is your present.”
Some parents still prefer to bring gifts to a child’s birthday party
There were plenty of parents who weighed in that “no gifts” requests make them uncomfortable, and some choose to bring gifts anyway. Some commenters expressed being raised to never come to someone’s home empty-handed, which makes “no gifts” requests feel difficult for them. Others shared that it’s hard to know whether other parents will actually follow the request, which leads to social pressure to bring a gift anyway. Here are a few of their responses—
- “I feel uncomfortable. I think every child wants a gift. Yes, their mom could have explained that they have enough toys and it’s better to donate, but kids are kids. Plus, in my culture it’s inappropriate to come ‘with empty hands’ even if you’re just invited to a house for a coffee.”
- “We just went to a party which stated ‘no gifts please,’ and when we got there every single person had brought a gift. I was the only one who didn’t bring a gift. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable.”
- “I understand parents not wanting more stuff but I also feel odd not having a child open a gift for their special day. When no gifts are requested or they ask for donations, we’ll do that but I also buy a book for the child, because you can never have enough books.”
- “Uncomfortable. I’m not showing up empty handed.”
- “I still buy a gift. They’re kids. They enjoy opening a surprise.”
Despite the disagreement in the comments, it’s apparent that many parents are torn between respecting the wishes of the host, and providing the child with a special birthday. The deeply ingrained etiquette of bringing a gift for the family who is hosting has parents finding other ways to share their appreciation without adding more clutter or unneeded toys to their homes, like a gift card to a favorite restaurant (given discreetly) or a hand-drawn birthday card.
