At some point, your kids are bound to wonder why people have different religious beliefs. And whether faith is a big part of your family life or not, these questions can be tricky to respond to.
Demonstrating respect for others’ beliefs, your family’s beliefs, and your child’s beliefs is important. It’s also a great idea to discuss what makes us all similar, no matter our religious background (or lack thereof). Even if you don’t quite understand others’ religious beliefs, it’s so important to teach respect and kindness.
When kids feel safe coming to you with questions, without guilt or shame, your bond can grow stronger. Plus, you want to be open to the fact that your child’s beliefs might differ from yours someday. It’s just one part of embracing humanity and all its complexities!
Here are some suggested scripts to start with to help your kids understand and navigate religious differences, even if they encounter religious intolerance. Your words can help your child develop religious tolerance and the confidence to handle difficult conversations with peers who see the world differently.
Script for explaining why people have different religions (for religious families)
If your child asks why their friend believes in a different higher power or worships differently than your family does, here is one way to explain it.
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Connect to family history: “How we think about God is part of our family story. The holidays we celebrate, prayers we sing, and traditions we practice connect us with our ancestors — your grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents.”
Highlight the beauty of diversity: “I’d bet the way your friend thinks about God and the name they give to God has to do with their family story, too. Families pass down what they’ve learned and what feels true in their hearts. And sometimes people learn or experience things in their lives that make them change their minds about what they believe. That’s why not everyone believes the same thing.”
Highlight the beauty of similarity: “While your friend might have a different name for their God, you probably share a lot of the same beliefs — like the value of being thankful for the blessings in your life, of asking a higher power for help with things that are important to you, and of trying to act with kindness.”
Recognize that their beliefs might differ: “My job as your parent isn’t to make you believe exactly like me — it’s to guide you, share what’s been meaningful for our family, and help you be the best you.”
Establish yourself as a trusted resource: “If you have any other questions, I’m always available.”
Script for explaining religion or God (for non-religious families)
If your family doesn’t follow a specific religion or believe in God, it can be even trickier to explain when your child encounters religious talk. Use this version of the script as a guide.
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Show respect for others’ beliefs: “Some people believe in God because it’s part of their family tradition or because their belief makes them feel more connected to the world and people in it. It feels true and important for them.”
Highlight shared values: “Believing in God can give people an understanding of how life works, and offer guidance for how to treat the world and other people. In our family, we don’t believe in God in the same way, but we do believe in a lot of those same things — like being kind, helping those in need, treating people with respect, and taking care of our planet.”
Be supportive of their curiosities: “It’s a beautiful thing to be able to hear how others see the world. You might find that you connect with some parts of it but not all parts. Whatever you find yourself believing in — as long as you are kind to yourself and others — I’m on board!”
Encourage them to use you as a resource: “Thanks for coming to me with this question. I always like to know what’s on your mind.”
How to handle it when kids hear, “You’re going to hell”
Has another kid ever told yours that they’re “going to hell” because they have different (or no) religious beliefs? Those moments can be jarring for both kids and parents. But children are naturally curious about big questions like what happens after we die, and they often repeat what they hear at home without understanding the impact of their words.
This is an opportunity to teach your child about respecting different beliefs while feeling secure in your family’s values — whether religious, spiritual, or secular. The key is to validate your child’s feelings first, then help them understand that different families believe different things, and that’s okay!
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Validate their feelings: “Oh, honey, that must have been upsetting. How are you feeling?”
Explain different beliefs: “The thing is, no one really knows what happens after we die. Some people believe in heaven and hell, or in different kinds of afterlife, and some believe that when we die, that’s the end.”
Emphasize respect: “In our family, we do/don’t believe… [summarize your family’s beliefs]. But we do respect other people’s beliefs, even when we don’t agree with them, right? Your classmate might not understand that not everyone believes what their family does.”
Provide tools for response: “If it happens again, you could say something like, ‘That’s what you believe, but my family believes something different, and that’s okay.’ Or you could say, ‘I respect your beliefs, but please respect mine too.’”
Reassure and affirm: “You didn’t do anything wrong by believing the things we do. And you may grow up and decide that believing something else feels right to you, and that’s okay too! Different doesn’t mean wrong. What matters most is how we treat each other.”
Open the door for questions: “Do you have any questions? We can always talk more about this. Would you like a hug?”
