Our hair can be a means of self-expression, a celebration of our ancestors and culture, and a big part of our identity. So when it comes to children exploring their hair, it’s important for the adults in their lives to help them love and embrace it.
Loving our hair can be more challenging, though, if it doesn’t always do what we want it to do. In “Junior’s Hair Salon,” an episode from Fred Rogers Productions’ animated series Alma’s Way on PBS KIDS, 5-year-old Junior gets frustrated when the hair styles he tries on his sister Alma’s thick, wavy hair don’t look the same on his friends’ hair. Howard’s short, tightly-coiled hair pops right back up after Junior attempts to slick it back. A gravity-defying style is a literal flop on Becka’s fine, straight locks, while Alma’s signature ponytail looks cute, but very different, on Yolette’s twists and braids. An aspiring hair stylist, Junior is discouraged about his skills until his sister helps him think it through and they discover that the reason all of these styles look different is because their friends have different types of hair.
What are “hair types”?
Your “hair type” is the shape or pattern your hair strands make when dry, and your hair “texture” refers to the width of strands. So it’s no wonder the styles Junior does on Alma’s thick wavy curls don’t work on Howard’s coarse, tight coils, Becka’s fine straight hair, or Yolette’s twisted and braided hair. But after Alma helps him think it through, and his friends explain the attributes of their hair, Junior comes to appreciate learning about how their hair is all different, and even gets curious about his own hair type.
The concept of hair types can be challenging for adults and children to understand. Children are growing and learning more about themselves each day. A child might get upset because their curly hair doesn’t blow in the wind like their friend’s straight hair. Or, they might dislike the way a friend’s hair looks because it’s different from their own. If your child has been discouraged after a few difficult hair styling sessions or expressed negative feelings about their hair type or someone else’s, talking to them about it can help them come to understand, love, and learn how to care for their own locks while respecting and appreciating all kinds of hair. Parents can help children understand that their hair is a natural part of their bodies and who they are, and that there are many different types and textures of hair.
When talking about hair types, what vocabulary should parents avoid?
Language is ever evolving. As we interact with those different from us, we can learn more ways to acknowledge past missteps, course correct, and have meaningful, respectful, and open dialogue necessary to achieve true change. When it comes to something as personal as hair, it’s helpful to be aware of words and connotations that might be hurtful to others. Here are a few to avoid when talking to your child about hair—
- “Good hair” All hair is good hair. No hair type or texture is better than another.
- “Bad hair” Nobody’s hair is “bad”. All hair types and textures can be challenging to work with depending on the style one wants to achieve.
- “Nappy” While this word has been reclaimed by some, there are many negative and racist historical connotations associated with it. Tightly coiled and curly hair that is prone to tangling can be called just that—coiled and curly.
- “Rough” This descriptor often alludes to something harsh and unrefined, and should be avoided when talking about hair texture.
- “Unruly” This word has negative connotations for textured hair that may have more volume.
- “Ratty” Some hair types are more prone to tangling, which is totally natural and manageable.
- “Unkempt” This term implies a lack of care and grooming.
- “Greasy” Different hair textures need different types of care. For some, adding oils to your hair is a part of healthy hair practices.
If you hear your child using any of these words to describe someone’s hair, provide a gentle reminder that there are more thoughtful ways to talk about hair type and texture. It might also be a good time to remind them that it’s never a good idea to comment on something that someone can’t change about themselves in 30 seconds or less, a good rule of thumb for preventing harsh comments from kids about peoples’ appearance.
How to start the conversation with your kids about hair type
There is plenty of vocabulary you can use to describe hair that is not rooted in bias. Here are some tips for starting a productive conversation with your kids about hair type and texture—
- Start with personal observations. Look at your hair together in the mirror and ask your child to describe the shape or pattern it makes. Is it coiled like a staircase? Wavy like a ribbon or the waves in the ocean? Straight like an arrow? Using common shapes your child is familiar with can help you introduce complex concepts like curl patterns.
- Introduce vocabulary. When introducing formal terms to describe curl patterns, try using words like curly, coiled, straight or wavy. When describing width, try using words like fine, medium, or thick.
- Compare hair types and textures. It’s okay to notice differences. After observing their own hair, have your child observe yours and tell you how your hair is alike and different. You can repeat this exercise with other members of your family or close friends or characters your child sees in their favorite shows, movies, and books.
- Talk about grooming frustrations. Not acknowledging that styling hair can be difficult and painful for children and not making accommodations for them while styling their hair is a common mistake. Some kids have sensitive scalps, some find it hard to sit still for so long, and others just don’t like getting their hair done. Exercising patience and empathy and taking breaks can help you and your child make it through a styling session a lot happier and make hair styling a time for connection.
- Check your emotions. A lot of time, attention, and love goes into styling your child’s hair, so when a particular style you try doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped, it could be easy to get frustrated and place fault on your child’s hair texture. Instead, if you’re having trouble, researching your favorite hair stylists and advice sites might help you find the perfect tool or technique to achieve your goals. And if their hair doesn’t do what a model’s hair does, you now have the tools to talk about differences in hair types and textures to explain why that’s the case.
- Talk about boundaries. Just like we help our kids understand and respect personal space and boundaries, it’s important for kids to know that hair is included in that space. It’s important to respect their hair and the hair of others. Children have the power to say no when someone tries to touch a part of their bodies, including their hair, that they do not want them to touch.
When we teach children to understand and appreciate different hair types and textures, we’re helping them build confidence in themselves and empathy for others. By celebrating the beauty and versatility of all hair, we remind our kids that the differences they see are not flaws—but powerful reflections of identity, culture, and individuality.
